Parenting Tips for Star Seeds
Let's clear the air before I proceed with the topic at hand please. I struggle with titles like the one for this article. For starters, I do not have all the answers. I don't think that I am the epitome of perfect parenting. My desire is to offer insight into my life - and my daughters - with the hope that I may be a mirror for you. Things are always clearer when we are on the outside looking in. This is undeniable. How do I know this? DISCERNMENT!
What is discernment? Noun meaning perception in the absence of judgement with a view to obtaining spiritual direction and understanding
So, second of all, my ultimate wish for you is to put the focus inside you when you are searching for answers. Hold up? Did I already start giving parenting tips? When spirit works through you, you may not always be aware. When you learn to be silent, be still, and tune in, moments like the one I am having with be easier to pinpoint. It is from this place that choices truest to our soul are made. It is from this place that we can communicate from the heart and untie it from the mind.
Here is a short list that I have made as I consciously observe my parenting this week. There are aspects of the relationship between me and my child that my relatives to not see as proper. I choose to let my child guide me as to what she needs. I also listen to what I needed as a child, what I didn't receive but longed for, and what I need now, as a woman and mother. Here goes nothing:
1. Skin on skin. When I was pregnant, I read the baby books. The only thing I can remember is a section on the importance of skin on skin contact between the parent and baby. This was an ah-ha moment for me. I don't restrict it to babyhood. We! Me! You! We all have this need. When I am not in a relationship, I will go for a massage or manicure. It is healing on so many levels. So, when cuddle time happens, my child likes to sleep nearly nude, as do I. When I am fully clothed, she will express that it's not so comfy. I can feel the difference myself. She also needs my hand to be on her sacral chakra.
2. Clothes sensitivity. My child will like something one day, and another thing the next. Today, she hates socks with ruffled tops. Yesterday, it was ok. She only has 2 pairs of flat top socks. They are in the hamper, I tell her to wear the ruffles. Her emotions start to boil over. Oops! I failed to see the gravity of her discomfort. Sandals it is! Why not force her to wear the ruffles you ask? I too, used to experience this as a child. I was never heard. My feelings were never acknowledged. The markers this left on my psyche were "I am nuisance." "I am a bother to my loved ones." "My feelings don't matter." "I am not normal because I have feelings." May sound over the top, but this is my truth. I do use DISCERNMENT to tell the difference when there is a chance she is trying to push my buttons.
3. Answering the big questions honestly. When my child was 3, she started asking me question about where babies come from. I had fears around this. Will she tell her preschool classmate? Will I be hunted by their parents? I listened to my heart, and dove in with the truth. From then on, I decided to answer all her questions and answer them honestly. What other questions has she asked? What does it mean to fall in love? Why do boys have penis' and girls have vaginas? Why can't boys have babies? Why do mommies have breasts? What are tampons? As she asks more grownup questions, and as she grows to be more aware of the boy and girl relationships around her, when I give her information, I request that she not share it with her classmates as this information needs to come from their parents.
What is discernment? Noun meaning perception in the absence of judgement with a view to obtaining spiritual direction and understanding
So, second of all, my ultimate wish for you is to put the focus inside you when you are searching for answers. Hold up? Did I already start giving parenting tips? When spirit works through you, you may not always be aware. When you learn to be silent, be still, and tune in, moments like the one I am having with be easier to pinpoint. It is from this place that choices truest to our soul are made. It is from this place that we can communicate from the heart and untie it from the mind.
Here is a short list that I have made as I consciously observe my parenting this week. There are aspects of the relationship between me and my child that my relatives to not see as proper. I choose to let my child guide me as to what she needs. I also listen to what I needed as a child, what I didn't receive but longed for, and what I need now, as a woman and mother. Here goes nothing:
1. Skin on skin. When I was pregnant, I read the baby books. The only thing I can remember is a section on the importance of skin on skin contact between the parent and baby. This was an ah-ha moment for me. I don't restrict it to babyhood. We! Me! You! We all have this need. When I am not in a relationship, I will go for a massage or manicure. It is healing on so many levels. So, when cuddle time happens, my child likes to sleep nearly nude, as do I. When I am fully clothed, she will express that it's not so comfy. I can feel the difference myself. She also needs my hand to be on her sacral chakra.
2. Clothes sensitivity. My child will like something one day, and another thing the next. Today, she hates socks with ruffled tops. Yesterday, it was ok. She only has 2 pairs of flat top socks. They are in the hamper, I tell her to wear the ruffles. Her emotions start to boil over. Oops! I failed to see the gravity of her discomfort. Sandals it is! Why not force her to wear the ruffles you ask? I too, used to experience this as a child. I was never heard. My feelings were never acknowledged. The markers this left on my psyche were "I am nuisance." "I am a bother to my loved ones." "My feelings don't matter." "I am not normal because I have feelings." May sound over the top, but this is my truth. I do use DISCERNMENT to tell the difference when there is a chance she is trying to push my buttons.
3. Answering the big questions honestly. When my child was 3, she started asking me question about where babies come from. I had fears around this. Will she tell her preschool classmate? Will I be hunted by their parents? I listened to my heart, and dove in with the truth. From then on, I decided to answer all her questions and answer them honestly. What other questions has she asked? What does it mean to fall in love? Why do boys have penis' and girls have vaginas? Why can't boys have babies? Why do mommies have breasts? What are tampons? As she asks more grownup questions, and as she grows to be more aware of the boy and girl relationships around her, when I give her information, I request that she not share it with her classmates as this information needs to come from their parents.
Comments
Currently, I am 69 yrs old; my oldest son is 31, and the youngest son is 23. Even tho I was an older parent, everyone noticed that I acted like a kid. In fact, one day the older boy admonished me for not disciplining his younger brother as an adult "should." Even my own parents, especially my father, voiced the opinion that I was not raising my children properly. On me, my father used a leather belt, and stern, loud warnings. He was also very belittling, calling me too sensitive and needing to toughen-up, and even spewing hurtful words, like calling me an "idiot."
I allowed both of my sons to be very sensitive about their feelings. I listened, and did everything I could to assist them. My philosophy was that children are Zen masters who have entered our lives to teach us something. For instance, I always used to say, "...when I was kid...", but was stopped in my tracks one day when my oldest was only 7 yrs old - "But dad, you're not a kid anymore." So right. I've always remembered that, and never said it again.
There is so much more I could say, but I won't. Looking forward to more of your articles!
I too have been told, My now 6 year old daughter asks me often "Do you miss being a child?" As of now, she embraces our playful relationship, but I know the day is coming. And, I fully agree with you :that children are Zen masters". They have the art of living down to a science! :) I know I have much to learn from them. I plan to nurture my youthful demeanour and allow my child to keep hers as long as possible.
Much love my friend!