When Things Got "Weird"
When I was pregnant, a lot of changes happened, and not just to my waistline. My dreams became more vivid and they were premonitions. I always felt a little witchy but you just joke about that amongst friends and family. The TAROT CARDS I got at 16 were just for fun. When I got a sinking feeling just minutes before hearing bad news, it was just a coincidence. When I would look at the clock and see 11:11 twice a day for a month, that wasn't ANGEL NUMBERS, it was just dumb luck.
When I felt like I didn't belong to my parents and I was from another world, that was just my silly wild powerful imagination getting the best of me. Never would I have guessed what a SOUL ASPECT was or that it was possible part of me was literally "out of this world". I was catholic and I wasn't even sure I had a soul because I had a vagina. I kept snakes under my bed and when the moon was full, I pushed my bed under the window and bathed in its light. I secretly burned candles in my room and danced in the dark. Never had I known what truly lied beneath the surface was my authentic self.
Yes, when I was pregnant, a part of me knew that my daughter and I were not going to live an ordinary life. I didn't know what that meant, I could just feel it. I knew being a mother would change me forever. I could feel that she was unique, to the point I thought she would have a birth defect. My baby would not kick, or turn, my heart palpitations where unbearable. I had a pain in my left rib that my doctor thought was gas??? My doctor kept tell me that we were heathy, but my mommy brain and silly wild power imagination was getting the better of me again.
My baby was delivered by a scheduled c-section and I was sent home after 4 days. My baby and I were both deemed heathy. I didn't feel healthy and my baby didn't sleep well and she had acid reflux for 6 months. Still the doctor said she was healthy.
When my child turned 3, I started telling her our birth story. She very much enjoys anatomy, medicine, and healing, so I tell her how things actually occurred; she was cut out of my belly. My family were all waiting outside the operating room to meet her and so on. I never mentioned us not being well. She often responds with, "I want to go back into your belly." She says this with strong emotion, just like, she longs to go home. One time I told her the story, I decided to ask her "do you remember being in my belly?" She said "yes, I kept us alive. I healed us."
From that moment on, I knew she was unlike anyone I had ever met. I panicked. Who was I to raise this special soul? I was soooo broken. Damaged. Unsure I knew how to love. Could she see all the ugliness in my memories? Could she see me being poisoned, manipulated, sexualized, raped, my abortion, me abusing this body and soul? Was she getting the love she deserved? This was the beginning of my souls journey to my TRUE SELF.
To be continued...
When I felt like I didn't belong to my parents and I was from another world, that was just my silly wild powerful imagination getting the best of me. Never would I have guessed what a SOUL ASPECT was or that it was possible part of me was literally "out of this world". I was catholic and I wasn't even sure I had a soul because I had a vagina. I kept snakes under my bed and when the moon was full, I pushed my bed under the window and bathed in its light. I secretly burned candles in my room and danced in the dark. Never had I known what truly lied beneath the surface was my authentic self.
Yes, when I was pregnant, a part of me knew that my daughter and I were not going to live an ordinary life. I didn't know what that meant, I could just feel it. I knew being a mother would change me forever. I could feel that she was unique, to the point I thought she would have a birth defect. My baby would not kick, or turn, my heart palpitations where unbearable. I had a pain in my left rib that my doctor thought was gas??? My doctor kept tell me that we were heathy, but my mommy brain and silly wild power imagination was getting the better of me again.
My baby was delivered by a scheduled c-section and I was sent home after 4 days. My baby and I were both deemed heathy. I didn't feel healthy and my baby didn't sleep well and she had acid reflux for 6 months. Still the doctor said she was healthy.
When my child turned 3, I started telling her our birth story. She very much enjoys anatomy, medicine, and healing, so I tell her how things actually occurred; she was cut out of my belly. My family were all waiting outside the operating room to meet her and so on. I never mentioned us not being well. She often responds with, "I want to go back into your belly." She says this with strong emotion, just like, she longs to go home. One time I told her the story, I decided to ask her "do you remember being in my belly?" She said "yes, I kept us alive. I healed us."
From that moment on, I knew she was unlike anyone I had ever met. I panicked. Who was I to raise this special soul? I was soooo broken. Damaged. Unsure I knew how to love. Could she see all the ugliness in my memories? Could she see me being poisoned, manipulated, sexualized, raped, my abortion, me abusing this body and soul? Was she getting the love she deserved? This was the beginning of my souls journey to my TRUE SELF.
To be continued...
Comments